This article was an incredibly engaging read for reasons quite obvious to myself. I, too, am a married man (and that happily, might I add) but have not somehow, by God's divine power, been made immune to the pressures, hurts, and wounds the heart incurs during the union between husbands and wives.
Most marriages I would think begin as beautiful wellsprings of blissful love, evidenced by the constant pondering one to the other, the perpetual touching and calling, the throughout-the-day texting and emailing each other. Marriages, extending out of the courting or dating stage can be a part of the most vibrant, vivacious years of one's life, but the age-old question remains still- "how does a couple keep the magic in the marriage?" As explicitly explained in the article, the neglected wife found herself and her marriage incapable of withstanding the agonizingly slow and possibly unstoppable cooling of love's fire. Before she knew it, the energetic sex stopped, the flirty, coy playing ended and she eventually found herself basically just sharing space with who she believed her soulmate in the early days of love. While I consider her ultimate handling of her problem cowardly and selfish, I couldn't help but feel for her and slight ire for her husband who did not prevent the tragic end of his marriage.
I love my wife. I really, really love my wife and am finding more things to love about her as time passes. That's not to say that we haven't had our ups and downs. In fact, a couple of years ago, my wife and I had the worst time being married to one another. I can't deny that when we went through our "valley" she just flat out didn't like me very much. Well, maybe I'm being too generous- she didn't like me at all and I thought that all the pageantry, joy, love, and ferocious sex would all be forever nullified. It was without a doubt the darkest time of my life. I have to also confess, that I was the husband in the article; I was the one who did not show my wife the emotional nurturing and support that she, as a woman, was designed to thrive on. She was my flower- the sun of my love was hidden behind gray clouds of hurt and dejection.
I am relieved and even more thankful to God for the brevity of that time and write these words testifying to the fact that my marriage is stronger as a result, but more than that because of the presence of God Himself in my marriage. What one learns more than anything in matrimony is how to, on a daily basis, sacrifice personal desires, goals, ambitions, for the sake of the spouse. Marriage is the greatest arena wherein one can battle Self into subjection for the sake of one's spouse and therein is the best example of Love, not in words said but in deeds done. Obviously, the Holy Bible provides the lens through which a proper perspective of marriage is gained. In its sacred pages, God's people understand that marriage is SPIRITUAL and a profound mystery. Marriage is meant to last a lifetime, and for the Christian, to exemplify the relationship Jesus Christ has with His Church. The Scriptures show Christ laying down His own life for His people, laying aside His rights as Lord and Sovereign over this universe for His own. My point in bringing this up is not to exclude non-Christians from the truths about marriage, but to show the proper state of mind and spirit one has to have in order to have a successful marriage. As an aside, I'm not suggesting that all Christians have successful marriages as the statistics borne among present-day American professing Christians show that the divorce rate is almost identical to American non-Christians. The key is whether God Himself is in that marriage and if the husband and wife are in full submission to His Word and will.
With that said, the wife in the article chose Self over her marriage, Self over her husband (as he also did), and Self over her children. She allowed Self to dictate her next moves based on how her husband's behavior affected her. I know the wounds incurred in a marriage can be deep, but those in successful marriages are able to withstand, address, and prevent in the future those wounds and become better individuals as a result. Successful marriages are those in which husbands and wives learn true self-sacrifice, bad habits are destroyed, children learn what responsibility and true love are and are able to show it in their marriages and children.
I believe the marriage in the article could have been saved, along with any- yes, any- marriage troubled. The difference is made in the heart of the respective spouses. Are the spouses guided by true, self-sacrificial Love (as shown in the Holy Bible) or guided by the infamous "50-50" philosophy where "as long as you do right by me, I'll do right by you" is the credo. I am no marriage expert, or marriage counselor. The only real expert on marriage is the one Who designed it, God Himself. He designed it to be the beautiful ground upon which civilization would be built, wherein children would be brought up respecting God and authority, ready to do the same with their children, wherein husband would learn how to care for and nurture others more than himself, wherein a wife would learn to trust and submit to her husband who is her servant-leader. I understand all will not accept God's design for their marriage but truly want their marriage to survive and thrive. God's design is the best one.
More could be written about this subject, but finally Self must be subjected in order for a marriage to last. The needs of the other must be put before the needs of Self. Had that wife and husband considered each other, that marriage could have been saved. Sexual intimacy is very important in a marriage, but can't be the driving force of the marriage. Sex is EXTREMELY important in my marriage so are our five children, but the day will come when the sex will stop and the children will be gone and what's left is what will take us into our golden years. My marriage is worth fighting for. So is yours.
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